Imagine this, you have been dating your guy for awhile, maybe over a year. You have been constantly dropping hints on having a more committed relationship but he doesn’t seem to get what you are trying to say. As far as he is concern, it seem that he doesn’t mind maintaining his status quo and he even want to maintain it indefinitely. You may love him and even want to stay with him, but you do not want to stay in a dead-end relationship that is not going anywhere. What should you do? 

First, this tie in perfectly with a post I wrote (Revealed – The Secret Scientists Say Will Guarantee a Happy Marriage) this week, which is about what is the biggest factor that determine a successful relationship. In order for any relationship to succeed, both parties have to be on the same page as far as their life and ambitions are concern. If one of your goals is to get married and start a family but he doesn’t share that, then the relationship may not succeed, or if it continues, it will be in very unhappy terms. 

The key is to determine both parties future goals and that can only be done through communications. Some experts advice that you should not state your desire to get married in fear of pressuring him or scaring him away. However, I think that this is ridiculous. If marriage and starting a family is important to you, then you should make it clear that you are certain this is what you want. The key is to communicate in the most rational and sensitive way possible. You never want to give ultimatums. All that will do is cause more unhappiness and argument and eventually prevent further discussion. You should instead ask your partner if marriage and starting a family is one of his goals. If he say yes, you are on your way. If he say no, you can take the opportunity to express your point of view. 

Here is a good phrase for you to try - ”Thanks for sharing the way you feel about that, I really appreciate you sharing your feelings like that.” That way, you will create a comfortable environment that will encourage him to open up and share more about his feelings as well. After which, you can add “I would like to share with you how I’m feeling about it right now.” Use the word share, its a very powerful word used by salespeople to induce a more receptive state.  You could continue with your feelings and keep it honest yet not aggressive or assertive. ”I’ve always wanted to have a family, but I never felt ready until having met you and being in this relationship. It’s important for me to get married and have a family one day and I feel like I’m moving closer to being ready.”

See how he react. This is about your life and what you want, what you need. Don’t be afraid to state what you want and ask for it. You will never know the answer or getting close to what you want if you do not ask for it. Once again, you have to be very clear on your needs, only you can live your life.

If your guy is unreceptive and this is something that he clearly doesn’t want, you have several choices. You can hang in there for a while and see how things develop, or leave. Once again, don’t threaten to leave if he doesn’t do what you want, that creates an ultimatum and not only will you not get the results you want, but you’ll be seen as highly manipulative and controlling. Best thing to do is give yourself some time, give yourself a deadline of how long you are willing to stay, and then gently revisit the issue at that time. If the guy is still unreceptive, you can leave knowing that you’re not getting what you want out of the relationship and that you gave yourself the time you needed just to be sure.

It’s your life and you need to do what makes you happy. If a deal breaker for you is someone who smokes or takes drugs, you won’t date them or you will clearly communicate your viewpoint if someone you are dating starts to engage in those activities. Same thing here. Don’t be embarrassed about conveying your needs. Be very clear and direct. If being with a guy who doesn’t want to commit is a deal breaker, then break the deal. It will hurt at first, but you’ll be much happier in the end knowing how much time you saved getting out of a dead end relationship.