Falling in love is easy. It’s a matter of feeling that attraction to another and then acting on it. It’s allowing yourself to feel that urge to want to be with that person above all else and share your life with him or her.

What deliciousness when it happens!

But when that feeling of being “in love” fades, you’re left with a pretty hopeless, dismal feeling.

Here’s a question a woman asked us and our answer to her…

“I have fallen out of love with my husband for the past 3 years and I am wondering if it is too late to get those ‘in love’ feelings back?”

Our answer…

Here’s the truth–Most of us move in and out of feeling “in love” with our partners. Feeling “in love” is just a concept that means something different to everyone. When things are going well and we feel close and connected–and our beloved is feeling the same, we’re in love. When one of us is not, we can find ourselves feeling love for the other but not “in love” at that moment. You may not even like him or her in those moments let alone feeling amorous love.

Now if this distance and disconnection goes on for a long time, it’s a serious problem in the relationship–especially if one or both people want more.

Can you rekindle love?

Yes, you certainly can but you both have to WANT it to happen. You can’t do it if you have one foot in the relationship and one foot out.

Here are a few ideas if you are wanting to find more time to rekindle and keep love alive in your relationship…

1. Decide what you truly want. If you want to rekindle the “fire,” then what does that mean to each of you? Talk about how you both like your connection and relationship to be without blame and without getting defensive. Be honest about what really excites you. Just be honest–with yourself and with him–because if you aren’t, you risk your relationship completely dying.

2. Focus on your positive outcome. Get on the same page, if possible, and hold that vision for how you’d like to be together. You will have the energy to move toward what you want if you just hold that as your vision for your life.

3. Make this a fun experience rather than something that “should” be done. If you don’t make it fun, you’re just going through the motions and nothing will change.

Find the time for closeness and connection. It has to feel really good in order to choose an activity that will bring you closer rather than one requires nothing of you. Even tiredness seems to dissolve when the rewards outweigh the allure of “vegging” out.

From our own lives and from observing the lives of many people, we’ve found that you can make one of two choices:

You can allow others or circumstances to dictate the course of your life or you can be a conscious creator of your life. The choice is yours.

Look inside you and then take the steps toward what you want.

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Have you ever found that it is difficult to find time to spend with your spouse? Perhaps your schedule is hectic and work is demanding and all, but it surely is a matter of prioritizing time to spend with your spouse. It is only natural to spend time with the person you love most.

After a day’s hard work, instead of waiting for dinner and sitting on the sofa, talk to your spouse and help her with the work as well. This is an example of how “time” can be “suddenly” found and used to spend with your spouse. If you focus on spending time with her, it’s only a matter of recognizing stuff you could do together instead of just slacking around. Here is some other stuff you would like to do in order to accompany your spouse:

Eat together. Find a time to spend a quiet meal outside or at home. Conversations in meal time are best because people are relaxed. This is a good way to build and maintain the bonbd.

Go shopping with her once in a while. Many words can be spoken while looking for things to buy. Soon enough, she will look forward to the next time you do this with her.

Go for a short walk after work. This is a good activity to help in your digestion anyway. Your spouse may also find this to be a romantic pastime.

The need for work puts much negative stuff into our lives, such as fatigue, a bad schedule, the fading away of our dreams, and of course negligence of the ones we love. In such times, we have to constantly remind ourselves that what we really care for is those that love us and those that we love, instead of the monthly pay after miserable work. Work makes us forget what is really important. Thus, take a step back and prioritize our time on who we love most.

Finally, now I will give you part 2 of this highly successful tips. Try it out from now on and who knows, you might have a super great Valentine’s Day in 2009. 

51. Take advantage of any time alone together. 

52. Tell your wife about how you answered every question in math with her name. (Assuming you’re continuing your education). 
53. Draw. (If you can.) 
54. Let your wife sit on your lap. 
55. Go hiking and camp out together in the woods or on a mountain. 
56. Lips were made for kissing. So were eyes, and fingers, and cheeks, and collarbones, and hands, and ears. 
57. Kiss your wife’s stomach. 
58. Always hold your wife around her hips/sides. 
59. Husbands like half-shirts. 
60. Take your wife to dinner and do the dinner for two deal. 
61. Spaghetti…(Ever see Lady and the Tramp?) 
62. Hold your wife’s hand, stare into her eyes, kiss her hand and then put it over your heart. 
63. Unless you can feel their heart beating, you aren’t close enough. 
64. Dance together. 
65. Sit in front of a roaring fire and make out/make love. 
66. Tell your lifemate you love the way they look right after they’ve fallen asleep, with their head in your lap. 
67. Carry your wife to bed. 
68. Waterbeds are fun. 
69. You figure it out. 
70. Do cute things like write “I love you” in a note so that they have to look in the mirror to read it. 
71. Break every one of your ‘safe’ relationship rules for your lifemate. 
72. Make excuses to call your lifemate repeatedly in one day. 
73. Even if you are really busy doing something, go out of your way to call and say “I love you”. 
74. Call from your business trip to tell your lifemate you were thing about them. 
75. Remember your dreams and tell your lifemate about them. 
76. Drive home from work just to see your lifemate, before turning around and going back to a business meeting in the evening. 
77. Sit in your car in the driveway, honk, then blow your lifemate a kiss as you leave for work. 
78. Tell each other your most sacred secrets/fears. 
79. Share your deepest convictions. 
80. Be Prince/Princess Charming to your lifemate’s parents. 
81. Act out mutual fantasies together. (Not necessarily sexual) 
82. Brush your wife’s hair out of her face for her. 
83. Stay up all night to think of 101 ways to be sweet to your lifemate. 
84. Hang out with your lifemate’s friends, too. 
85. Learn to listen. 
86. Take your wife to see a romantic movie and remember the parts she liked. 
87. Cuddle together under a full moon on a clear night. 
88. Learn from each other and don’t make the same mistakes twice. 
89. Everyone deserves a second chance. 
90. Describe the joy you feel just to be with your lifemate. 
91. Make sacrifices for each other. 
92. Really love each other. 
93. Write a fictional story about how you met/fell in love, etc. and give it to your lifemate. 
94. Let there never be a second during any given day that you aren’t thinking about them, and make sure they know it. 
95. Hot tubs are great. 
96. Learn to say sweet things in foreign languages, including sign language. 
97. Dedicate songs to them on the radio. 
98. Fall asleep on the phone with each other. 
99. Sleep naked together. 
100. Stand up for your lifemate when someone says unkind things about them.