Confidence Can Help You Avoid Bad Relationships

In my early thirties, I did get into a rut with a destructive relationship that eventually found me in a low grade depression for a number of years. During that time, the happy version of me was more of a comfortable mask as the relationship tore at my self-esteem, wearing down my confidence.Towards the end of that phase of my life, I realized something that turned my life around once again. Perhaps because the relationship wasn’t serving me, I found myself studying and admiring other men. With those who were in relationships, I’d study and admire their women as well. Whether it was a Hollywood couple or the couple next door, I think I was looking for answers to my problems in the success other seemed to find.

My observations taught me something precious that goes along with the “Which Prince Charming doesn’t like a happy, confidant woman” thing. I learned that confidence is sexy. I mean it is the sexiest attribute a person can own! Confidence can turn less than attractive looks and turn them into glorious imperfections that you can’t wait to get close to!

Confidence Is A Turn On

Why? Patricia Arquette has those adorable crooked teeth. When is her smile the most appealing? Whenever she radiates confidence. Consider Hollywood’s leading men. Any number of them you would not find nearly as handsome without their delicious confidence in tact. Will Smith has funny ears. Who cares? His confidence is so attractive! Christian Bale is a perfect example. He’s played roles where he was insecure, even a little psychotic as well as roles where he exuded confidence. As Batman he is drop dead sexy. It goes far beyond the body building. It’s the confidence. In the roles where he is convincingly insecure, he doesn’t look like someone you want to get close to.

Personally, the chemistry between my husband, Joseph, and me when one or both of us is feeling especially confident; even if we come off a little cocky, is palatably richer. Because the chemistry is good, period; the fact that I can tell that confidence still makes a difference is convincing enough to me that I’m on to something here.

Besides, remember I told you about that destructive relationship where I wound up in a low grade depression? When I began practicing confidence, both the depression and the relationship unraveled, freeing me to have a new life where I got to attract Joseph. I highly recommend confidence as an aphrodisiac and general life enhancer!

Step #1: Understanding Women

This step could take a lifetime, but it really doesn’t have to if you take a simple, straight-forward approach to completing it.

First you need to avoid falling into the trap of thinking that women are like a different species to men, with completely different ideas, beliefs, needs and modes of behavior.

Men want to be made to feel these things too by the women they date. The difference is what it takes to make men and women feel these things. There are different routes towards the same goals, depending on whether the person in question is male or female.

DO NOT let people tell you that women are mysterious. They are not. You just need to know what they want and how to give it to them. The same goes for men, from a female perspective.

Step #2: Become Skilled at Having Good Conversations

Before you even consider talking to a woman and attracting her, you need to become good at talking period. You need to become a skilled conversationalist, in other words. You need to be the guy that people talk to and, after the conversation, think, “That was awesome. I really had a good time talking to him.”

You achieve this by learning to develop the most important skill a good conversationalist can possess: emotion management. It’s all about how you make the person you’re talking to feel. What they think about you is governed by how you make them feel about themselves. But we’re not talking about giving them a motivational speech.
What you need to get good at is having a relaxed conversation in which the person you’re talking to respects you (because they see you as being of high social value, confident, etc.). Then you need to engage them, by hearing what they are saying, replying thoughtfully to it and offering your own input in the right way.

Step #3: Start Making Approaches

This is the hardest step so far, because it involves doing the thing you’re probably the most afraid of. But it needs to be done.
She would much rather be talking to you than not talking to you, basically. You need to go beyond polite, day-to-day conversation, into a verbal interaction which is genuinely based on getting to know each other.

Step #4: Tighten Your Skills and Begin Flirting

You don’t want to give away too much too soon. You should drop one teasing comment into the conversation and then gauge the woman’s reaction. If she responds by teasing you back, then you have a green light that she is attracted to you, which means you can gradually start flirting a little more.

These four steps, when combined, allow you to become habitualised to the process of talking to women. Your levels of anxiousness and self-doubt will lower and your feelings of confidence will therefore increase.

Confidence is a difficult subject. Everyone has their own unique level of confidence. Its about attitude. Since we can choose between being confident or not, being not confident is just a bad habit. To be successful at dating, and in life generally, one needs to boost confidence. Some tips can be learned just like that, while other talks much time and practice.

The first question is “Are you ready to meet someone or anyone for that matter?” Because if you are not comfortable about yourself, you are not comfortable about the whole world. Make a list of things you do not like about yourself, and issues that you think needs improvements. You need to have a honest and practical approach.

Gather opinions but take with a pinch of salt. After all, opinions are just that, opinions. Start changing things, such as your wardrobe, hairstyle or even lifestyle. Once you start changing, you will start to feel good about yourself. Your opinions of yourself is most important, because your perspective is your lens for your world. Confidence developed will spread beyond yourself and others will notice.

There may be lots of things to change in your world. It may seem impossible but we surely can work them up. If you have bad friends and they are influencing you, ditch them. After all, how you will be 5 years from now will be a result of the books you read and the people you hang out with. Start changing routines and bioclocks if necessary. Take up new sports,to widen your horizons. Meeting new people can do the same, and it gets you experience in talking to people.

Look good at every occasion and smile. This gives you confidence and other people’s opinions of you will also be raised. Be social able and friendly and soon you may start dating. Have a good opinion of yourself and let other see that. You are actually showing them how to treat you. Do not over-stress yourself for the looks part though. Remember you are never uglier than you think you are. Have a positive outlook in life and view whatever comes your way as potentially positive. When such major things are taken care off, the more minor stuff like finding a date will come eventually.