When I was in high school, I got close to someone who became my best friend at the time. We’ll call him Parker. Parker was “going out” with a sophomore while we were seniors. Things started going downhill really from the beginning and while the “relationship” didn’t really last, Parker’s feelings for her still lingered on. I had also liked this girl before they were “going out”, and she also confessed to me toward the end of her relationship with Parker that she liked me, and before you know it, a wedge was formed between my friend Parker and myself. Though I never had a relationship with that girl and we never went on a date or were “going out”, Parker knew there was something going on between his ex-girlfriend and myself, and that was the last we were close friends. A good friendship was lost for nothing. So if you’re thinking about whether or not you should date your friend’s ex-girlfriend, there are 3 dating tips you should consider before deciding on whether or not to do it.

The first dating tip is to consider the friendship. Is it strong enough to handle hurts inflicted by one another? This question isn’t asking if both of you feel loyalty or a strong bond between each other, but how communicative are both of you when it comes to expressing hurts, disappointments and feelings inflicted by one another? Do both of you ignore it, hold it in and pretend you never hurt each other? Or do you confront those issues and deal with them, and because of that, you are close enough to be blood brothers? Shared experiences and common bonds isn’t what makes a friendship strong enough to handle someone dating the other friend’s ex – it’s communication. If you don’t have that in your friendship, dating your friend’s ex will damage your friendship, sometimes beyond repair.

The second dating tip is to consider the ex-girlfriend. Will dating her cause her to relive her wounds and hurts carried over from her previous relationship with your friend? Since ties wouldn’t be cut off completely, she would still be around, see and/or be in the presence of her ex. Can she handle that, or will it cause more wounds and prevent her from healing and addressing those hurts? More than likely, even if she is able to treat you differently than she treated your friend, she will still be affected by her previous relationship and you will have to deal with those old issues, plus new issues that come about with the new relationship. The bottom line here is that proximity in a relationship triangle can be like juggling grenades. Just because the grenade is in the other hand doesn’t mean it’s less dangerous.

The third dating tip is to not get into a relationship so quickly. Give it some time for the dust to settle, emotions have died down, wounds have had a chance to heal and people have had a chance to move on with their lives. When a relationship dies down, it’s like a tornado that is coming to its end. It’s still turbulent and windy, and it takes time to clean up the rubble left in the aftermath. If you wait and are patient, then you can avoid the awkwardness and surprise of it all. If you don’t and are impatient, it’ll be like walking into the tornado thinking it’s done and over and getting picked up and thrown 100 yards into a ditch.

It’s not an easy call to date an ex-girlfriend of a friend, but hopefully these 3 dating tips will help you make a good decision. If it doesn’t work out, there’s always matchmaking which matches you with a person that you’re bound to enjoy being with, based on your preferences and personality. Parker and I tried hanging out again after college for some time, but things were never quite the same. We had also grown apart over the years and the experience in high school changed us both. Take it from me, it’s better to have a friend than to lose both a friend and a relationship.

Allan Tan is an experienced writer on Romance Pros, dating, and relationships. He has been writing for many years on Romance Pros and has had countless articles published throughout various mediums. Some of Allan’s most favorite topics to write on include single professionals, mature daters, relationships, matchmaking, and Romance Pros. Allan’s articles are well written and memorable. They are especially great for anyone looking to start dating and still keep up with their daily activities.

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