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Even before foreplay has begun, as soon as the opportunity or chance to have sex has arisen, in the back of his mind is the nagging thought, “This time I’d like to last longer than I have in the past, but will I ejaculate too soon?” Already, either consciously or subconsciously, his performance is tainted with negative emotion. It’s providing extra pressure he really doesn’t need.  This technique focuses on bringing you into the present and avoiding the negative emotion that’s brought on by thinking about what has happened in the past, or what might happen the next time you have sex.  Totally aside from sex, you can witness how we operate on auto-pilot. Every day, we’re taking ourselves out of the present and into the future when we really don’t need to. The point is, to fully relax and focus and enjoy sex for long periods, you need to be in the present. Inadvertently thinking about what might happen, ejaculating too soon, takes your focus off what is actually happening: you’re moving up the stimulation scale. This in turn hampers your ability to identify how close you are to an orgasm, making its prevention impossible. This technique has one simple goal: to increase your self-awareness and bring you back into the present during sex. It’s used during the plateau stage of sex, the hard part, where keeping control of yourself is the most important and difficult.

What you  need to do is, every now and then, ask yourself a couple of simple questions in your head. “Do I feel tense or relaxed?” and “How close am I to reaching orgasm?”  If, after asking yourself if you feel tense, you notice your shoulders are tight, or that you’re tensing your stomach when it’s not necessary, you don’t need to think of what to do next. Your shoulders automatically drop and your tense mid-section relaxes.  Asking yourself the second question, “How close am I to reaching orgasm?” is something you should be doing throughout sex identifying where you are on the stimulation scale. This brings you into the present and focuses you, but actually saying the question in your head once in a while is doubly effective!