Listen to Your Body
Hostility and resentment hurt you more than they do the other person, especially if you keep feeling resentful even when the person’s not with you! Learn to recognize signs of tension and poor health in your body: stomach pains, neck or back pain, headaches. When things get stressful or confrontational I’ll start to get a headache. When I do, I know it’s time to gracefully remove myself physically from the interaction and do something to care for myself, such as taking a walk with my dog or a hot bath.
Pay attention to what is good
Make a point of focusing on what you like about the other person, and what’s good in your own life. When you focus on the good things about another person, and simultaneously begin attending to the neglected areas of your own life, the other person will often begin to miraculously improve on their own.
Tend To Your Own Garden
Have you ever wondered how much time you spend thinking about or complaining about what he or she is doing wrong? Instead, turn your focus, at that moment, to what would be the best thing you could do, to look after yourself and your own life. You can always call a friend just to say hello and not to complain. There’s always something more productive that you can do rather than complaining. If you spend a significant amount of your life energy being angry with or complaining about your partner, resolve to take the attention off of them and onto what needs to be attended to in your own life.
Learn to be Happy, No Matter What They Do
If your happiness depends on what another person does or doesn’t do, you’re sure to be miserable at some point, if not most of the time. Decide to be happy, no matter what. Find, or create, things about your life that you enjoy, and focus on them when things get tough.
Own Your Own Buttons
If your partner knows just what to do or say to set you off, don’t blame them for your reaction. You can’t control what someone else does, but you can control what you do. Learn to recognize your own “hot buttons”, and notice yourself as you start to react. Stop, go to another room, do something silly, give them a big wet kiss (like you mean it), whatever it takes to interrupt your reaction. It’s not always easy, and you’ll fail sometimes, but once you get good at this you will be amazed by how much less drama and conflict you experience with your significant other.